Submitted by: Lorensa Peltser

Building Block no.1: Talk About Everything without Being Overbearing. You ought to start telling your partner about your world. You will need to tell your spouse where you are going to be during the day. You must share information concerning your activities. You have to open up and tell about your life. You have to be honest and forthcoming, and you have to share information freely. If you tell about your day, but make it look as if you are being obligated or as if you were reporting to a superior, you are violating the essence of transparency and will create the reverse effect on your marriage. This is a very important step to build trust and honesty after an affair.

Building Block no.2: Develop a No-Lies Policy and Reveal Everything. This building block is a two-step process for purifying your relationship. If your marriage has been frequented by dishonesty, you have to clean out that grime to get a fresh start. I suggest you begin by “flushing the toilet.” What that means is getting everything you have ever lied about into the open. Once you have achieved this (which will need a series of conversations, time, and a few special techniques to ensure it is done properly), you will have a starting point to restore the trust and honesty. Then, you make the decision, inside yourself, not ever to lie to your partner again, and you do everything you can to keep that internal commitment.

Building Block no.3: Utilizing Suspicions to Identify Problems. Suspicion is a really ough problem in a relationship where somebody has had an affair or lied to his partner over time. In this case, the party who has been lied to has understandably developed mistrust. This results in suspiciousness.To get over your suspicions it’s important to acquire a “suspicion filter” to analyze your suspecting thoughts and feelings. This really consists of two parts: filtering out improbable suspicions before you act on them and confronting your partner when a behavior or issue is important enough to make its way past your “suspicion filter.”

Building Block no.4: Openly Put Into Words Your Thoughts and Feelings to Build Trust and Honesty. By discussing your feelings and thoughts sincerely you avoid building up resentments , because you notify your better half immediately when you get your feelings hurt, when something makes you angry, when you are unsettled in some way, about your plans, and about things you take an interest in and dislike.

Building Block no.5: Keep the Door Open. There are both verbal and nonverbal means that you can shut out someone and send the message that either you don’t wish to talk with this person or you feel that what the person is sharing is inconsequential. Keeping the door open means avoiding these behaviors to shut your spouse out. You can identify what to avoid and how to do it so you can maintain transparency in your relationship by continuing to utilize Building Blocks 1-4..

Once you have re-established the trust and honesty in your marriage using transparency, you can safeguard the work you have done by constructing a fence around your marriage.

About the Author: You can learn more on how to rebuild the trust and honesty and how to survive the affair by visiting

healyourmarriage.info

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